A Very Sephy Christmas
by Joolah
Summary: Chibi Sephy doesn't know what he wants for Christmas, so he decides to ask the others ... (I submitted this a long time ago on an old pen name of mine -- Sephy Worshipper.)


  
This is silly! Very very silly and stuffs! Don't fall out of your chair and land in the bucket of Tonberries! Yes, Tonberries! I am drinking an acorn deprived chipmunk as I write this. Yes, a chipmunk with no acorns! You have been warned! Oh yeah, and I don't own any of the characters! Don't sue my broke ass!   
  


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All I Want For Christmas  
by: Sephy Worshipper   
  
  


It was a very delicious day, full of cranberries and blueberries . . . Which were actually just tonberries that changed their names. An extremely hard decision was present, even though the day was delicious. Such a horrible, horrible dilemma! Oh, help us, tonberries! 

The question was . . . What did Chibi Sephy want for Christmas? He didn't want a new sword, since Chibi Masamune was always at his side. Chibi Masamune was made of styrofoam and half the size of Ookii Masamune, which belonged to Ookii Sephiroth. But that was another story. 

Chibi Sephy was afraid that if he didn't decide on a gift soon, Santakuro-su wouldn't know what he wanted for Christmas! He would still have to write a letter, and that might take thousands of years and chipmunks to get to Santakuro-su! So he had to hurry. He wondered what the others wanted for Christmas. Maybe he should go ask them? 

So, Chibi Sephy toddled out of the living room, leaving behind the Chibi Christmas tree that he had decorated himself. It was covered with chocolate syrup and peanut butter because he didn't know how to make popcorn. 

Chibi Sephy's silver hair swung behind him as he toddled some more. Toddle toddle toddle. Yes, he walked with short tottering steps. It took him about ten minutes to get to the end of the hall, which was only five feet long. He cannot toddle very fast because he has little feet and he is taking little steps. 

Finally, he tumbled into the room at the end of the hall after tripping over a stray tonberry. Stupid stray tonberries. He stood to his full height of two feet, and glanced around with huge emerald eyes as he dusted off his adorable blue pajamas. The pajamas had pink chipmunks on them. Yes, pink chipmunks. It's called a new breed.   


"$%#@*!!($!!!!" yelled a very tiny voice. Like a voice that sounded small. Kind of like a chipmunk's voice, if chipmunks could talk.   


"Wook waw yo' did, Spike Ass! Yo' made Shid mad, yo!" screamed another chipmunkish voice. If you need translation, too bad. I don't know what that voice said either.   


"Nu-uh! Tirfa did!" shouted 'Spike Ass.'   


"Waw?" 'Tirfa' asked, looking up from her Chipmunk Crunch with enormous brown eyes. "Nuh. Aeri did."   


"Yuff did!!" 'Aeri' exclaimed, jumping up and down and pointing. "Not meeee!!!"   


"Waw? I dun't steal materia ta-day!!" 'Yuff' protested. Obviously, she hadn't been listening to the conversation and thought she was being accused of stealing someone's Diaper Change materia again.   


"Shut the ^#*%*#% up!!"   


Finally, every Chibi was silent. One and all. All and one. Silence. 

Chibi Cloud reached a hand up onto the couch and struggled to pull himself up, but failed with a big plop onto the floor. Then he shrugged and stared at the wall. The blank wall that was full of demonic chipmunks and tonberries that would warp your brain in just a few minutes. Everyone thought Cloud had been messed up because of mako poisoning, but it was really from staring at the blank wall. That evil, evil blank wall that was possessed by such unimaginable evil like pink chipmunks. This is why Chibi Sephy has pink chipmunks on his pajamas. 

Chibi Cid continued to lean back against an oversized teddy bear, a candy cigarette hanging lazily out of his mouth. He couldn't wait until he could get his grubby little hands on real cigarettes and alcohol. All he could drink now was apple juice . . . But atleast that looked like beer. Bwahaha. He tricked the others with it all of the time, and then pretended to be drunk. They always ran to one side of the room because they thought he was going to go insane and mistake them for pretty pink chipmunks that were foaming at the mouth. 

Chibi Vincent lay in his toy coffin. He said nothing. Nothing he said. Sometimes he had nightmares about pink chipmunks. 

Chibi Barret was very strange looking. He was bigger than the others, and was always growling and foaming at the mouth. Sometimes the gun that was built into his arm would go off and start shooting gumballs. Everyone would have to run for cover and hide under the couch with the evil dust-chipmunks. Dust-chipmunks hid under the couch and foamed at the mouth, too, so everyone thought Barret was the deformed offspring of dust-chipmunks. 

Chibi Yuffie always tried to steal Chibi Cid's candy cigarettes. Big brawls that involved all of the Chibis resulted from this because Chibi Cid just liked to involve everyone. He believed that if there was going to be a fight, you might as well bite and pinch the shit out of everyone. And so it was. Chibi Yuffie wasn't feeling like stealing Chibi Cid's candy cigarettes now, so she stole the pink fur from a furry pink chipmunk. Now it was naked and exposed to all of the other chipmunks! 

Chibi Aerith had a really big crush on Chibi Sephy. Everyone said he was evil because he obeyed the commands of pink chipmunks and didn't know how to make popcorn, but he was just SO kawaii! And he was really nice to her when he wasn't trying to stab her with Chibi Masamune or summon dust-chipmunks for some 'Reunion' he was always 'mwaahaahaa'ing about. She wanted to get Chibi Sephy something for Christmas . . . Maybe something really nice, like that chewed-up bubblegum she had found on the bottom of her shoe yesterday. 

Chibi Tifa finished off her bowl of Chipmunk Crunch, eating the last little pink marshmallow and leaving the bowl in the middle of the floor. She toddled across the room and plopped down beside Chibi Cloud, who was still staring at the wall.   


"Cwood, whatcha wookin' at?" she questioned, wondering what was so interesting about the blank wall. It was just a wall that was blank.   


Suddenly, Chibi Cloud burst out laughing. He was in hysterics. He had gone mentally, physically, psychologically, emotionally, and every-other-thing-you-can-possibly-be-ly insane. Then his face returned to it's normal expression -- expressionless. 

"Oh, okie. I thot somethin' was wong wiff yoo, but yoo're norman," Chibi Tifa said, patting Chibi Cloud's spikey ass--Er, hair. HAIR, I meant! Chibis do not get sexual and such things! Perverted bastards! 

Oh yeah. I forgot about Chibi Sephy. He was standing there for a long time, surveying the others with his superior mind. Then he leapt up into the air, unsheathing Chibi Masamune, and screamed, "SHIBBY!!!" 

. . . Okay, so we THOUGHT he was superior. 

When every Chibi's eyes were on Chibi Sephy, he was satisfied with his grand entrance and sheathed Chibi Masamune again. He did this carefully, for fear of breaking the chunk of styrofoam. Now that he had everyone's attention, he figured he might as well get this over with and ask what they were going to get for Christmas.   


"Waw are yoo gettin' for Crishmas?" he asked, toddling toward everyone, who was gathered near the couch.   


All fourteen eyes were on him, just staring. Stare stare stare stare.   


"Answa me, or I shawl DECAPITWATE yoo all!!! Then I shawl take ova th' ENTIWRE uniwerse wit' my SUPEWIOR skiwws and mind, and NO ONE shawl eva stop me!! My ezistanse shawl be ETWENAL! Everyone shawl bow dow to ME!! Onwy ME!! And no one ewse, fo' I am SUPEWIOR to all beans!! MAAHAHAHAA!!"   


Everyone gulped, wide-eyed from his sudden outburst. Even the dust-chipmunks cowered underneath the couch, shivering. Not shivering from the cold, but from the evil wrath of Chibi Sephy!   


"Ubb . . . ," began Chibi Cloud, trying to be brave. "I wan' . . . A hat."   


Everyone blinked and switched their kawaii gazes to Chibi Cloud.   


"My spikes get cowd," Chibi Cloud explained, shrugging.   


"Waw abou' the rewst of yoo?" Chibi Sephy demanded, reaching for Chibi Masamune to intimidate them.   


"^%#%$^!! SHIGAWETTES AND &$%#@^ ACWOHOL! AN' A WOCKET!!" shouted Chibi Cid.   


"BUWWETS!!" yelled Chibi Barret.   


"A THWONG!!" Chibi Tifa chimed in.   


"A GETAWAY CAWR!!" Chibi Yuffie screamed.   


"A new cobbin," Chibi Vincent said.   


"SEPHY!!" Chibi Aerith exclaimed.   


Everyone stared at Chibi Aerith, shocked. Why in hell would she want Chibi Sephy for Christmas? 

They gulped as Chibi Sephy began to toddle toward them. 

Toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle toddle. 

An entire hour later, he was only a few more toddles away. 

Toddle toddle toddle. 

Finally, he was standing right in front of Aerith. He raised Chibi Masamune to whack her on the head with it . . . 

. . . And then he passed out right at her feet. Too much toddling. Maybe he needs a Chibi Chocobo for Christmas.   
  
  


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Well, there was my incredibly warped story! I hope you guys thought it was funny, because I was cracking up the whole time I was writing it. But then again . . . I'm on a major sugar high, deprived of sleep, listening to Chocobo theme songs, and I wrote this whole thing in one sitting so who knows what popped out of my stupid head. If you guys want some more Chibi stories, review! If you think I suck and that was the most stupid, not funny Chibi story you've ever read in your life, flame the &*%$&^* out of me!! Okay? Thanks! And don't let the tonberries and pink dust-chipmunks bite! 


End file.
